Elliot-Griffiths Coaching
The nature of the coaching profession is that the coach is focused on the client and their agenda and needs. It is, for the most part, client centred and client focused. The consequence of this is that the coach is often left at the end of the working day with thoughts, feeling and physical reactions to what they have experienced, during their interactions with their client. How the coach manages these issues can have a direct effect on their work, health, relationships and longevity as a professional.
Below are listed some areas worth keeping in mind to ensure that a coach makes a priority of their own wellbeing, because as we all know it is important that we ‘'walk the walk' as well as 'talk the talk'’.
The value of Supervision cannot be overstressed. In any helping profession the practitioner must ensure that they have a safe confidential place to examine their work and the effects of this work on their own personhood. It is difficult to carry the load alone and having a professional, empathic Supervisor to discuss issues, thoughts and feelings with freedom from judgement or shame is crucial to our health and wellbeing and to the maintenance of ethical practice.
Often people drawn to this profession have a strong 'Please Others' driver and they can find it difficult to say no. Therefore being vigilant to having an appropriate Workload is extremely important. There is also an ethical issue connected to workload. If a coach is working with too many clients, they may find that their focus, attention to detail, competence and physical health will be affected, the consequence of which is that their clients do not get the level of professionalism that is their due.
Coaches who work without proper Insurance do so at their peril. Most accrediting bodies require that their members show evidence of insurance, never the less, even if this is not a requirement a coach needs the security of knowing that their practice is fully covered by an appropriate level of insurance.
To ensure clear thinking and a sense of being in control of the work it is important that a coach is Organised . Keeping your workspace clutter free, strategically planning your diary, keeping notes up to date, having a simple filing system in place and prioritising your day are all ways to keep work related stress at bay. Creating such systems at the start of a coaching practice forms a good habit and will mirror for the client appropriate stress reduction techniques.
Being vigilant about your own Nourishment, Exercise and Dress regime should be of the highest priority. A coach who takes appropriate care of themselves mirrors how to live with balance in life.
Keeping abreast of developments and new ideas within the profession by attending regular CPD, Conferences, Reading etc. , will ensure that the coach feels competent in their work. This competence generates a sense of confidence in clients. Attending such trainings will also facilitate networking which can create a support system and develop new leads for your business.
Article Posted by Mary O'Donoghue, 14th October 2011
Clients who are suffering work related stress or personal anxiety often report disturbed sleep patterns with unsettling dreams or even nightmares. The result of this is they are often permanently tired and therefore unable to stay focused or retain information during the day.
Using Gestalt dream-work with such clients can be a useful skill in the Coach’s toolkit. Because Gestalt works in the here and now, it is a valid technique for use in coaching.
The technique itself is a relatively simple process based on the understanding that the client’s sub-conscious is the author of the dream, the director of the film and represents the self as all of the actors and sets of movie. This of course alleviates any need for the coach to interpret the dream and honours the basic tenet that the client has all the answers within themselves.
The process requires the client relating the dream in the present tense from start to finish. The coach then asks them to begin again and retell the story from the top in the present a second time. (The reason for this is that the client will often add further information in the second telling which was omitted in the first). During this time the coach is listening very carefully and noticing all the details of the story. When the client has finished the coach then lists back as much of the detail as they can remember- do not forget to include colours, items of clothing, furniture, buildings as well as the people mentioned in the dream. None of these would be included in the dream if they did not represent some meaning to the sub-conscious. The coach then asks the client to prioritise each person or item in order of importance as they are called back to them.
Now taking the list as prioritised by the client, the coach asks them to speak in the first person in the now from the persona of each item, starting with the words ‘I am ….’. Again the coach listens very carefully to what the client is saying and summarises at the end. (Being careful not to add their own interpretation to anything). The coach moves the client through each of the items on the list through to the last item, following the process and summarising each as they go along.
Invariably the client will begin to hear themselves relating patterns or understandings of their process, bringing to the fore limiting beliefs or underlining affirmations which they do not allow themselves to have an awareness of in their daily lives. If they work through the process fully they will find that they do not repeat the dream or nightmare again and more importantly may release information or understanding which will make sense of their process in dealing with stress.
There are many skills we need to develop in order to become the most effective coaches we can.
As human beings quite a few of these skills are innate, but with practise we can develop them to a higher level and from a coaching perspective it is important that we do so. An ethical effective coach will endeavour to develop their skills of Empathy , Active Listening , Acknowledging , Confrontation and Immediacy .
The definition of Empathy is to understand, sympathise, have compassion, be responsive and have a fellow feeling for the other. Martin & Clark (1982) noted that new born babies became distressed by the cries of other new-borns and that they could distinguish these cries from tape recordings of their own cries. In other words there may be a genetic base for empathy. Carkhuff recommends that we concentrate on expressions, both verbal and non-verbal, use language in tune with the client, respond in a feeling tone similar to the client, be responsive, concentrate on what the client is not talking about or what is missing, be aware of client’s behaviour. Therefore it is important that we take the time to listen to the client’s story and gain a perspective of what their life is like for them. This develops rapport and trust and facilitates the client in self exploration. Statements like ‘I know exactly what you mean’ are not useful because they are self-referential and the only information they give us is how we feel and not how the client feels. So we need to be tentative in our exchanges, acknowledge the effect of the story on the client, examine the client’s values and carry compassion in our heart for the journey the client is on.
Active Listening requires that the coach hears not just what is being said, but strives to understand both the meaning and feeling of what the client is saying. Ask yourself what is the client doing, what are they trying to tell me, notice how the client is holding their body, how are they breathing, are they making eye contact, be curious about what is not being said in words. The coach needs to show that they accept what the client is saying without criticism or judgement, knowing that it is true for them. Keep eye contact, pay attention to the context not just the content, notice your own reaction to what is being said and ask tentative clarifying questions, e.g. Can you say more about that, Can I clarify, I am wondering if, You seem to be saying. Never generalise or be self-referential as this takes the focus off the client. Always ensure that you use language appropriate to the client, in this way you demonstrate that you are attempting to move into the clients world view. At all times strive to show respect, genuineness and concreteness. Attempt to establish an atmosphere of equality, freedom and warmth which will facilitate the client becoming more open and disclosing more to themselves and you.
Acknowledging is a vital component in coaching. Be aware that acknowledging is not the same as praising. Sentences like ‘you did a great job’ are praise and give the client no information, whereas ‘ you showed great people skills when you completed that job’ tells the client something about their own strengths. This is particularly important in clients who by habit deflect constructive feedback, compliments or achievements. You will hear them making statements like, ‘it was nothing’ or ‘not a problem’. When a client breaks a pattern, uses a strength they normally do not acknowledge, or change a habitual behaviour, it is vital that you acknowledge. It is not about making the client feel good or being nice, it is about bringing the change into the client’s awareness, because unless they become aware they do not maintain change. Always watch when you have acknowledged the client that, they have accepted it and take it into the client’s awareness if they have not, this will ensure that they begin to take on board the necessary changes to facilitate permanent change in their lives.
Confrontation from a coaching perspective is a deliberate attempt to help another person examine the consequences of some aspect of their behaviour. It originates from a genuine wish to develop the relationship and is always in the service of the client. The coach needs to be aware of the quality of the relationship they have developed with the client and the ability of the client to act upon the confrontation. If at the moment of confrontation the client is in a depleted state, or their motivation is low, then the confrontation may be seen as a criticism and therefore not utilised. The characteristics of an effective confrontation are: empathy, timing, the strength of the relationship, it needs to be specific and concise, authentic and tentative. An appropriate confrontation invites the client to challenge themselves, e.g. ‘I hear you saying you want to do x, but I see you doing y, can we look at what might be causing the discrepancy’. Egan suggests that for appropriate confrontation there should be: a good working relationship and the coach is open to confrontation themselves, the client is invited to greater intimacy with coach and with self, that the coach describes behaviour rather than comments on the personhood of the client, they are tactful and tentative, they focus on strengths rather than weakness, ask the client to clarify and act on their own values and use terms like ‘when you say x my reaction is y’, ‘your perspective is x mine is y’.
Immediacy is defined in the dictionary as: nearness, imminence, closeness. The use of immediacy in coaching cannot be overstated. Egan states that immediacy is- Direct mutual communication, the ability to discuss what is happening in the here and now and a way of processing the relationship. Its purpose is to focus both coach and client to a pattern of interaction which is on-going in the coaching situation, i.e. body language, expressions, atmosphere and internal responses. For example describing your perception of the way you and your client are relating to each other, ‘I notice I seem to be doing a lot of the talking’ or ‘your eyes never seem to meet mine when we talk, I am wondering if this is a pattern for you’. The purpose of immediacy is to focus the client’s attention on the interpersonal aspect of their relationship with the coach and others. By using immediacy in the coaching relationship we can begin to model how the client can begin to change in all their other relationships.
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